A Christmas Story You May Not Know

On a nearby mountain
Above Pleasantry Cove
Stood a toy factory
They made them in droves

All kinds of playthings
Both large and small
From electric to wind-up
This place made them all

24 hours a day
The factory kept running
For it was late in the year
And Christmas was coming

The kindly old owner
As nice as your granddad
Had been in the business
Since he was a wee lad

Now Halloween had passed
Thanksgiving gone a day
Now so very shortly
Santa would be on his way

This factory had a special deal
With Santa’s operation
This was the main elf depot
The number one toy station

Oh, you think Santa was alone
With his elves at the pole
Making all the kids’ toys
Not to mention the coal

In the old days yes
But the world it grew
So just to keep up
Santa Claus did too

How this came to pass
Is a story all its own
I am privileged to tell it
For it’s not well known

Well Santa had a great plan
For he was a smart guy
To meet all the kids needs
He would just diversify

He would go worldwide
And set up toy stations
And expand his Elf force
To avoid automation

For toys made by hand
Was Santa’s trademark
Plus they lasted forever
And still held their spark

So around the world
Santa made a few deals
With a chosen cartel
Of men in his field

Now in Pleasantry Cove
Santa made a stop
To see the Toymaker
And check out his shop

On a snowy morning
Santa”s sleigh did appear
At the Toymaker’s gate
With his squad of reindeer

Rudolph and the crew
Antlers 3 feet tall
They were allowed through
Santa, sleigh and all

In the Welcome Hall
Of the Toymaker’s  Shop
Santa stood smiling
With the Toymaker he talked

Chris it’s good to see you
The Toymaker said brightly
You look the same Santa said
Though he had aged slightly

Rudolph Santa said
You should stay here
Feed your team
And check all the gear
Right Chief Rudolph said
And honked his shining nose
It’s been a long trip
They’re starving I suppose

To the Toymaker’s office
The two of them walked
laughing and gesturing
Wildly as they talked

Now  inside the office
On the sofa they both sat
Santa pulled out his plans
As he removed his hat

He spread them out
Before them on a table
So Carl Santa asked
Are you ready, willing and able?

I know what you’ve told me
The Toymaker replied
But I’m still a bit confused
As to the How, Where and Why?

Now  Santa sat back
Rubbing his rosey cheeks
He waited a moment
Then he began to speak

It’s gotten tough lately
These last few years
My sleigh is so full now
Not even room for my rear!

To visit all the kids
With just one toy sack
Means I have to lean forward
And let it rest on my back!

Plus the sleigh wear and tear
Why it’s about to bust
The reindeer carry so much weight
They use all my magic dust!

So the time has come
For a revolutionary change
In the way I do business
Please don’t think me strange

I’ll create the ultimate
Of toy organizations
We’ll have a baker’s dozen
Of toy refilling stations

The Toymaker looked down
At the Jolly One’s plans
And after a moment
He began to understand

This is exciting news Chris
We will have a business
The Toymaker exclaimed
But will things be the same
Between you and me
What partners will there be?

Relax Carl Santa soothed
You’ll be my number one
The others will only follow
What you will have done

All orders will come through you
And you will designate
Where it is to be filled
City country and state

Oh, I’ll not interfere
You will run it yourself
But I’ll supply the workers
From my Department of Elves

All around the world
These stations will save time
With so many more kids
I’ve been falling behind

The world’s gotten bigger
And so too must I
He patted his middle
And winked his left eye

They both laughed
As they got up from the couch
Santa rolled up his plans
And put them back in his pouch

The Toymaker smiled
And shook Santa’s hand
I’m with you Chris
I agree with your plan

Carl you’ll help me greatly
More than you realize
You can help put the joy
In a little child’s eyes

They strolled out of the office
Arm in arm like brothers
As the both of them left
There remained another

The curtain on the window
Began to shake and shimmer
From behind came a figure
Who seemed somehow to glimmer

Out of the sunlight
In the shadow of the desk
Stood one ugly elf
He was quite grotesque

Misshapen eyes and nose
Thick lipped mouth and moles
With darkness in his soul
Not an elf but a troll

He looked at the door
As he quietly hissed
Then flew  through the window
Vanishing in a mist

On another peak miles away
Stood a castle of ice
Within lived a creature
With a body that was twice
The size of Santa Claus
With a head to match
Cold blue eyes
And an iceberg thatch
Of glistening hair
Straight back in a cone
He stared at his spy
From his icicle throne

The troll known as Cratch
Kneeled before King Freeze
Giving his full report
And hoping it would please

And they went out arm in arm
Cementing their agreement
If they can pull this off
It would be quite an achievement

I don’t need your opinion
King Freeze said with a shout
Just give me your report
And quickly get out!

Yes my lord Cratch sniveled
That is all of what occurred
Every minute of the meeting
Every gesture and word

Cratch turned to leave
And was stopped in his tracks
By King Freeze’s words
Which ran ice down his back

Are you sure
That the deal is made
Cratch turned around
Even more afraid

The King stared down
His icy claws now raised
If you are wrong Cratch
Guess who will have to pay?

I know my King
But I am living proof
What I heard and saw
Is the very truth

Freeze stared a moment longer
Before his decision was made
It’s time to have our own meeting
Get on the phone to Slade

Yes my Lord Cratch said again
And quickly left the room
Leaving the wicked King
Alone in the icy gloom

Cratch was given an order
And he was not one to stall
On the phone in moments
He quickly put through the call

The phone was picked up slowly
And a voice said This is Slade
Cratch said only 7 words
The North Pole deal has been made

I’ll be there in the morning
Relay that to the King
Slade hung up and smiled
As his heart began to sing

At 6 the next morning
As darkness became day
Slade’s private jet landed
On the King’s private runway

Only 10 minutes later
Inside the castle walls
Slade sat down with Freeze
In the King’s meeting hall

At first they stared at each other
Across the table of ice blocks
Then the King cleared his throat
And slowly began to talk

So, will you tell me now
Of your marvelous plan
To pay back Santa Claus
For your revenge is at hand

You will know in due time
Slade said with a grin
You will hear it all
When we go to see him

The King said bluntly
Now how do we do this
Santa’s shop is well hidden
No one knows where it is

Don’t be so stupid
Slade shot right back
Have you forgotten
The tale of my past?

No sir not at all
King Freeze humbly said
If it were not for you
I’d probably be dead

That’s right Slade said
Getting up from the table
After all I’m living proof
That elves aren’t just a fable

But perhaps it’s time
Slade said a bit kinder
That I give you a lesson
More like a reminder

And with that, golden dust
from his hands did fly
Right into the blue
Of King Freeze’s eyes

Old Freeze jumped a bit
But soon drifted downstream
On the river in his mind
Now cast into a dream

And there stood Slade
Before the Elf Committee
Feeling quite condemned
Awash in his self pity

Mr. Slade we’re sorry
But you’re applications declined
You don’t qualify on 2 points
The rules are quite defined

You’ve failed the Elf  Exam
For that there’s no excuse
­But you’re size I’m sure
Was not for you to choose

But it’s not how you feel
And it’s not how you look
It’s simply a clause
In the Santa Rule Book

3 feet is required
To qualify in size
You do not measure up
No pun I apologize

Poor Slade had a right
To feel as he did
He’d been 2 feet 10
Since he was a kid

Now he was denied
Of his lifelong dream
To be an elf
How he wanted to scream

He left the Academy
And drifted around
All the time thinking of how
He would get even
All the time just believing
That Santa was to blame
For his dream being lost
Oh yes he would get even
No matter the cost

Freeze kept on dreaming
And watched Slade grow
Not in size but mind
His smarts starting to show

Slade made his own way
He went off to college
To be a CPA
And gain higher knowledge

Of the world
And its ways
How it works
How it pays
Soon he was a CPA
By studying real hard
A 4.0 GPA
He dealt his own cards

Now he was a master
Of money and its terms
He became his own boss
By starting his own firm

Whether profit and loss
Or stocks and bonds
Or companies he’d escaped
Like the notorious Enron

Slade handled them all
In his devious way
His clients always satisfied
And all willing to pay

The stock market was next
Where he bought into electricity
He acquired market shares
With startling simplicity

In a year’s time he had
A monopoly he’d grown
He controlled the province’s power
And the company he owned

Into politics he went
Achieving every office
It was not long until
He controlled the whole province

But running a province
Was not his thing
So he had Freeze do it for him
By acting as its king

Freeze was but a puppet
Who was doing Slade’s will
Slade found him in the mountains
Just north of Whoville

Just a babe in the snow
Starving and near death
Some kind of snow beast
With permafrost breath

No one knew what Freeze was
But Slade took him in
And taught him the ways
Of wickedness and sin

And that brings us up
To the present situation
With Freeze King of the land
And Slade off on vacation

The dream suddenly ended
And Freeze opened his eyes
With Slade saying wake up
Let’s go look alive!

We leave immediately
Slade said let’s go
To which Freeze replied
One more thing you should know

We won’t need to go
All the way to the North Pole
Santa will be back tomorrow
At the shop in Pleasantry Cove

All the better Slade said
Along with me will be you
Because of Santa’s deal
The Toymaker will pay too

At sunrise the next morning
The meeting took place
As Santa arrived
With elves and supplies
Not even a moment late

The Toymaker was beaming
As Santa flew  in
His face cracked wide
In an excited grin

He walked up to Santa
As he got off his sleigh
Well Chris he said
The future starts today

Santa laughed and nodded
As they grasped hands and shook
Just then a commotion nearby
Made them both turn and look

At the gates stood 2 figures
One quite burly and tall
The other who was talking
Was incredibly small

Santa Claus said the small one
It’s been a long time
Do I know you asked Santa
Just what’s on your mind

The 2 were allowed in
And as they got near
The Toymaker recognized them
And wondered why they were here

Why it’s Freeze he said
The supposed King of this land
But he’s really just a puppet
Controlled by this little man

King Freeze growled
He pouted and hissed
The Toymaker and Santa
Ignored all of this

And Slade he sighed
Even smaller than an elf
So power hungry
He thinks he’s God himself

Slade Santa said aloud
Yes this man I know
He attended the elf academy
But that was so long ago

Not long enough Slade replied
That I don”t remember well
That your rules ruined my life
And made it a living hell

But I’m so much better now
I’ve come a very long way
You see I’m very powerful
That’s why I’m here today

Rules are rules Santa said
For that you can’t blame me
The exam you failed was not of size
But of heart don’t you see

An elf’s heart must be pure
And only one thought in mind
Intentions of happiness
For all of mankind

But your are conflicted
With thoughts of yourself
And the respected stature
When you become an elf

Not to mention the evils
You have done since those days
Ruining people’s fortunes
And then making them pay
You could never be an elf
For you’re rotten to the core
You only think of yourself
Of that I am sure

Say what you will fat man
Slade icily shot back
When you leave here today
You’ll not be coming back

What do you mean Santa asked
I come here every year
Just like the rest of the world
You must not interfere

Oh but I will Slade hissed
Just as soon as you leave
This area becomes restricted
In that you can believe

I’m sorry to say Santa
The Toymaker interrupted
But he does control this land
Although he’s corrupted

If you try to come here
I will not be pleased
I will cut off the power
And Pleasantry Cove shall freeze

No happy children
No goodies or toys
Will be in this town
Just sad girls and boys

You cannot enter this province
During your Christmas ride
I will see you on radar
You can no longer hide

Why are you doing this
Santa now said to Slade
I must stop off here
I must refill my sleigh

Don’t disappoint the kids
If you want revenge on me
Can’t you find some other way
To yield your vengeful glee?

Ah but it’s the best way
Slade said at last
The kids are everything to you
You cannot let Christmas pass
Without fulfilling your duty
By delivering your booty
To every young lad and lass

More kids to see every year
Have brought you up to this
Unless you give me what I want
This year some kids will be missed

Very well Slade Santa said
What is it you want
Will you get to the point
I’m tired of your taunts

What I want is simple
This I know you can do
I want my elf degree
And an apology from you

Santa stared at Slade
His face all aghast
An elf you can never be
Your chance is long past

Well then get on your way
Your business is done
There’ll be no Christmas here
Not for anyone

Santa then looked over
At the Toymaker’s face
And saw there some hope
If only a trace

I’ll consider your offer
Santa said to Slade
It is Christmas Eve
So I must be on my way

An answer by midnight
Slade said with a grin
Concede to my offer
Or not be allowed in

With that Slade backed off
Quickly turning his back
Then he and a scowling Freeze
Were gone just like that

Santa said this is a problem
That man I can’t believe
Relax said the Toymaker
I’ve something up my sleeve

That night Slade watched
For a sign to appear
Of the jolly fat man
And his 9 freakin’ reindeer

No word had been sent
From Santa to Slade
Nor agreement reached
No offer was made
So Slade waited patiently
To catch his big red fish
And just before midnight
He finally got his wish

His desk phone rang
Jarring Slade from his thoughts
10 objects on screen sir
It could be what you’ve sought

He ran to the radar room
And looked at the screen
He was coming all right
Then Slade got real mean

Hi picked up the phone
Get me Central Power
Pleasantry Cove goes black
At the stroke of the hour

Old Slade was incredulous
How dare you ignore me
You’ve made your decision
A sad Christmas it shall be!

Midnight came upon them
The valley below went dark
On the distant horizon
Was one tiny red spark

The blips on the radar
Continued in their direction
What’s he doing Slade screamed
He should make a course correction!

Now across the valley
The toy factory grew bright
The light from a hundred windows
Glowing through the night

How is that possible
Slade asked in dismay
I control the power
He’s not allowed I say!

But the Toymaker knew long ago
On this man not to depend
For he was certainly evil
And in no way a friend

So he had a plant installed
To the best of his ability
For insured operation
From a power facility

Slade saw in shock
As Santa flew  in
To the Toymaker’s shop
Send some men in
He must be stopped
Before he can refill his sleigh
Hurry Hurry!
Before he get’s away!

Slade’s goons responded
In their iceberg fighters
But were met with 100s
Of small flaming Bic lighters

Next from the factory
Their tales spouting fire
Were missiles equipped
With powerful blow dryers

Their heatwave settings
Were all set to high
Melting Slade’s raiders
Right out of the sky

While this went on
Santa refilled his sleigh
Then he jumped back aboard
And headed on his way

As he took to the sky
He knew not what to think
He did know the Toymaker
Had given him a wink

He banked at 10,000
Down toward Pleasantry Cove
Rudolph’s nose the only light
Shining down below

Just then behind Santa
Glowing lights did appear
But one look was all it took
To see these weren’t reindeer

From the Toymaker’s factory
Like fireworks in July
Countless orbs of light flew out
Lighting up the sky

Landing on the houses below
Turning night into day
Giving heat and warmth
Showing Santa the way

They were more than orbs
No one knows why
But after they landed
They turned into fireflies

Spreading their wings
Warming all that were near
Filling the people with peace
And calming all of their fears

Santa came and was welcomed
As he delivered his gifts
No one had quite ever
Had a Christmas like this

He was cheered and waved to
As he rode out of sight
Wishing Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night

Meanwhile Slade watched
Knowing his plan had failed
He’d be removed from power
And most likely put in jail

But as it turned out
That’s not how it went
Oh he was removed from power
And his money well spent

But he and Freeze
Were run out of town
And nobody knows
Just where they are now

Are they still alive?
Well nobody knows
At certain wrestling events
And burlesque shows
Sightings do occur
Of indeed a strange pair
An angry small midget
And a beast with ice hair

Well the Toymaker went on
Doing his part on Christmas Eve
Other adventures await him
Just what we can’t conceive

Meanwhile as you might know
Santa continues his rounds
So be nice and not naughty
Because he’s coming to town


Posted on December 16, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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